One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
