I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
