Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
