But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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