you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
