So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
