My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
