We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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