Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
