Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
