I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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