Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
