Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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