so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
one might say we're banned from that church
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
