an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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