You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
