do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
