FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
