I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
