If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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