Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize