By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize