Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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