I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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