you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
