New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
