Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
