i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
