i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
