and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am one with the molecules
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
