She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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