The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
be right there i have to get my cape
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
