i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't make out with my wife yet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
