I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
