God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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