I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
