i don't like sucking hair
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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