Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
