I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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