I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
