You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
