I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
