Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
