Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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