Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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