She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
