I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
