We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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