this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
