Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
