We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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