i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
