I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
