he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm bleeding and have questions
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
