I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to calm my uterus...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
