Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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