JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize