dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
