I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
