Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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