Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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