My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
