Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
