your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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