Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
