I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize