She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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