Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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