I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
