So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
