my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
