maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
