I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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