i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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