she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
True strength comes from lack of pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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