wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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