omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
