You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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