I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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