i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
