everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
