I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
