i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
