YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
