is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
