My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize